My sisters post. Brought me to tears. Love you sis.

Saraiah's miracle

This is a week of celebration. A birthday for my neice Saraiah.
It may not seem like a big deal to most-just another birthday...but Saraiah living 1 year is a miracle.
I will never forget the call I received in the middle of the night 1 year ago, and tears are coming right now just remembering it vividly. It was my Mom, and knowing my sister went in for a scheduled routine C-section for her 3rd baby I was waiting for the good news.
Instead my Mom was crying. Silence.
Then she said quietly: "she's here, Saraiah's here, she is only 5 pounds, Ronni's doing well, and... (more cries) she has downs honey." (more tears) I was so confused. What? There was no indication throughout the whole pregnancy of downs or any other abnormalities.

My tears came all night...flowing for my sister and the unknown future of her baby, or moreover the changed future...a different plan then we all had for her.
The next day the baby was rushed into the neonatal because she wasn't breathing and through routine tests for down syndrome babies they discovered she had multiple heart defects. Serious defects.
Everything seemed to swallow us up, as the next week was a blur of tests and flying the baby to the state hospital for opinions and options.

My brave sister and her husband after days of getting all the tests available and researching any options for surgeries made the difficult decision to leave Saraiah in God's hands. The humane and selfless decision. There were no success rates with any surgeries available especially for downs babies and no surgeries that could even operate on all the heart defects she had.

We needed a miracle. The doctors said that she could remain on life support and stabilized for a short time and then they would pull life support. After that her valve would close (at 2 weeks) and her heart would stop as a result. I can't express in words the pain and grief we all felt. I wanted to take the burden from my sister, I wanted to change it for her.

Preparing funeral arrangements and praying at the same time.
The night they pulled life support I thought I cried all the tears that a person could. Our whole family grieving together in that small room. Our family was so strong and God held us and others carried our burden at times.
Hugging, crying, laughing at my sisters random jokes. (She has a way of being funny in serious times to lighten things up!) Well, Saraiah didn't die then. We waited, and waited. Two weeks went by and she was improving even. The unknown was so difficult to deal with.

They decided to bring her to my parents and live there until she passed because the thought of bringing her home and dying there was too difficult. Weeks went by and still she kept fighting.
I cherish that time I spent with my sister during those weeks. Weeks of healing emotionally. Our relationship healing in little spots we didn't know existed. A baby did that. God showing me what was really important in life. Treasuring and thanking God for all the little things we take for granted. Every breath I breath, my sweet healthy girls, my beating heart.

It wasn't the first time I experienced loss or grief as we lost my husbands Mom and little sister in a car accident 13 years ago. The emotions of that day just flooded back instantly. But I was able to see through and know that God is and was faithful and will never forsake us. He can take anything and turn it into good, even when we can't see. He can do miracles and if He choose not to, then we still need to choose to trust Him and know that He is in control.

I have never seen an outcry of prayers from people like that time surrounding Saraiah's birth.
Spreading the plea for prayer on email and facebook. Asking for a miracle.
Spending time at the hospital as much as we could just holding Saraiah and crying with them.
Sometimes all you can do is cry with someone.

I have never learned so much about God then this year. The whirlwind of trials and situations this year has held I wouldn't trade for anything. He used that baby to touch me in a place I never knew needed healing. All walls and relationships that were damaged or bruised were instantly changed. The Lord did what the people that prayed for Saraiah asked for- He healed hearts. He didn't heal her heart really but all the hearts around her. He allowed her to live this whole year while the doctors shook their heads. No explanation. Her heart remains the same but she lives! Through times we thought that we would lose her and she was near death people would rise up and pray and she would pull through.

I also watched my sister's strength and voice speak out loudly of God's faithfulness and there were so many people that were changed as a result of seeing this. How can someone thank and praise God in a storm like this?! God uses everything. Nothing goes to waste. Not a tear, not a moment.

Saraiah continued to live and they eventually went home learning to live with the thought that they could lose her any time. Days and weeks passed. Some longer then others as Saraiah ( "Sa-cry-ah" as mom nicknamed her!) is in constant pain and suffering. Difficulty breathing and having to be held ALL day long took its toll. Sleepless nights for 1 year can really do something to a person but they are taking it day by day hour by hour.

It has been 1 year of living like that and giving her back to God constantly.

Releasing your children is the most difficult thing to do isn't it? They are not really ours to start with.
I daily have to give them back to their real Father...so difficult to let go.

Saraiah is a living miracle and has been used by God to change so many! People that don't know her. People that received emails or pictures of her saying PRAY. All over the world people prayed!

I saw that God does answer prayers. We continue to pray that the Lord will keep Saraiah alive to fulfill His will for her life however long that is. It is hard to let her go on this earth but sometimes I can just imagine her running free and smiling (with little piggy-tails) doing all the things she can't do on this earth -hand in hand with Jesus.
I love you Saraiah! Happy Birthday,
your Auntie Ang

I wlll be happy when.....

I am therapeutically writing tonight, b/c i am afraid I may get up and go another week without doing so and having all this stuff on my mind is draining.......and the thing going through my head right now is something that I think we all do. We ask the question....I will be happy when....________. (fill the blank in)

When......Saraiah isn't sick anymore. Or, when we have a regular income. Or....When our house sells. Or, when we have a money tree in the backyard. Or it could be easy....like when I go on vacation, or when I have a car that works better. Right now, my fill in the blanks are hard ones. Ones I thought I would never have to endure, yet here I am. Trying to. When I thought of when life would be happy, I realized that God has called me to be content no matter the circumstances. That means content with a baby that could die any day. Content with not knowing the next months finances. Content with where Sportspower is headed. That is hard. I will be honest. Paul says he learned the secret of being content, whether living in hunger, or living in want or living in need.....He could do ALL things through Christ who strengthened HIM. I am not there. I sometimes wonder where God is in all of this. I sometimes try to earn him. I sometimes feel ungrateful and wonder when I'm gonna catch a break. But....if it wasn't for this time in my life where would I be? Soaking up all the comfort I think I need? Walking through roses and wheat fields? ....probably not. Its in this trial and this suffering I get to learn the secret of being content, and when it is time for plenty, I can learn it then too. I think often we all base our life's happiness on "When this happens." I don't want to base my joy on that anymore. It let's me down. I want contentment. I want trust. I want joy. It doesn't mean I don't look forward to my girl time, or fun things with the kids....."that is God's grace giving me laughter" But.....what I am hoping to take out of all of this, is that my contentment is in him.

I hope it doesn't take me a lifetime to work this one out. Lately I feel selfish. I am longing for love, looking in all the wrong spots, when he is there waiting for me to find contentment in him. Lord....help me do that.

She Is Yours-a look back into the first post

As many of you know now, Saraiah Marie was transferred to U of M to be seen by some of the best doctors in the world. What they have concluded after much thought and much prayer is this:

We had prayed that God would make it clear, that HE would heal in whatever way he chooses to heal. We were told by the doctor that there have been no successful surgeries through the 2nd surgery for a downs syndrome with her condition. 3 are needed in the first 2 years of life, and even then, life would be hanging by a thread. It would be a temporary fix.
So, what we have decided to do is to give her up to our Heavenly Father, where she will be perfect and held by the arms of Jesus.

This would not have been the suffering I would have chosen. I would have chosen to have a lifetime to raise this beautiful child, but this is the cup that God has chosen for us. Do we beg him to take it from us? YES! But, is there much learned from it...........more than anyone can imagine. It is in this that we are putting our hope. That many are touched, changed, impacted, inspired, mended, completed..........through suffering. It is only suffering that can do this.

So, I turn to Jesus Christ, the man that gave his life for me. God had to give him up......and so now I give up my daughter to him. In full submission, in thankfulness........that he loves us this much to care about ALL the details of our lives, and cares about all of the people that will RUN TO HIM............because of this trial. I didn't want this to be learned through the death of my child......but God's plan is so much greater than ours. It is a WAY that I may not always be able to understand.

SO......I am thankful now for the little things. For the simpleness of life, for laughs and friendship. And.....I am more appreciative of the greater things.......my husband, children, family, friends. THIS IS LIFE..............To give up our life for those around us. To serve them. To suffer for Jesus. Because he suffered more than I will ever understand.

"God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so we can not see the scope of God's work from beginning to end.
And, I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it, or taken from it. God's purpose in this, is that people should fear him."

Ecclesiastes

Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy...............

Thank you for all of your prayers. Thank you for praying for a miracle. A miracle has been given...........we just need to open our eyes and see it.

We love you and need you all so much.

We will be updating you in the future week....

Thoughts

We had the opportunity to spend time with a family that also has a daughter with down syndrome. "The Blanchards" were a delight to spend time with......and their house also happened to swallow our car keys when we spent time with them the other night. It was quite a hilarious experience. Hadassah also managed to puke in their son's bed.....in all of this, they still want to spend time with us again. :) update: still no keys... It shows us that our life is not in order....but does it matter? I have also had the privilege of reading a book called crazy love at the suggestion of Kelly Bergsma. So far, much as been learned from this book, and I wanted to share some verses in Isaiah that God gave Jeremiah and I when we were first married and still sticks out as our theme. "If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you SPEND yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings. " Be praying for us as we seek to know the next step for our family. We have a desire to "go" wherever God calls, and we recently have been under hardship financially, and have some important decisions to make. In all of this, my deepest desire is to live out the book of Isaiah. I ask God to help us to live this way. We live in the land of comfortable lifestyle, and we do not want to become too comfortable. We want to be constantly challenged, to step out in faith, and trust HIM. We have been challenged more than we can imagine through the birth and life of Saraiah as well as running a ministry, and counting on God for every last penny. But, our light and momentary troubles are achieving a glory that far outweighs them all. I remind myself of this today...knowing life is hard. I know that I am not perfect and have made much mistakes and struggle much, but I want to live a life of daily surrender. Love you all.

I was listening to a sermon last night on 91.3 about hope in suffering. I think many of us on a good day might say that we don't know how one can go through much suffering and stay hopeful. We say things like..."I don't know how they get through that, thank goodness that didn't happen to me" But, as one sitting on the other side of suffering, as stinky as it is, I have to say that it is a blessing in disguise. My faith life is pushed out into the open.....and teaches me dependance. I don't have this down yet. To some it may look like people that are suffering get through it with flying colors, that we seem "strong," But, I have to say that we are weak, and that is why we are strong. I do numb myself at times to what my life really looks like, because if I took long enough to dwell on it, I would probably have a aneurysm. That is why God has slowly been teaching me that thinking on the pure and the lovely things pulls me out of this storm. He gave me a verse...."All the days of the desponding are filled with anxious thoughts and forebodings, but he that has a glad heart has a continual feast" I pray today that no matter the circumstances we are going through that through the tears and the frustration and the reactions, that God can be made strong in us, and make our hearts glad, in spite of the persecution. I believe God day by day, right now....that he Loves us, he wants what is best for us, and he has a purpose for our lives.

Happy Birthday Saraiah!

Hey friends and family, I apologize my entrance to the world of blogging came with no words initially. I have been experiencing wrenching pain in my leg, and have had my mind on that instead. I have to admit I am worrying about myself, and it has taught me that God is in control. Again. :) Not sure why I am so slow to learn this. We would all appreciate your prayers for our family, with a financial loss, a sick daughter, and leg pain.....I feel I am out of grace for the moment, but constantly reminding myself that I serve a God that meets all of my needs. I need to be reminded that HE is bigger than my worry. This seems to be something he has to keep on teaching me. I have been wanting to know God in a deeper and intimate way and feel that Satan has used this pain and anxiety to take the focus of God. So...right now, this is my out loud...now you know...set me straight professing time. Keep Saraiah in your prayers. She continues to eat well, but sleep worse at night. It has been hard on me, not getting the sleep I need. This too is a journey in accepting we have a newborn still. But....in all of it God is good. We got a offer today for someone to pay for another day of care. In all of it God again reminds me.....HE IS GOOD.