1. Some days I look forward to when this is over, but then I think that if I hope for that, she will pass away.
2. I actually have gone a whole week without feeling God's presence near me, and that makes me so sad. Trying to trust him in spite of that, because our faith is not based on feelings.
3. I actually draw huge amount of strength from friends and family. So whether I thank them or not, they mean the world to me, and help me see God in my life.
4. I in no way feel obligated to have people over, so don't feel like you have to stay away.
5. My way of handling pain is to be funny, so please don't think I am strong. I am weak with jokes on hand to keep my heart light.
6. Saraiah is by far the biggest lesson I have ever had in my life. Of so many things: faith, impatience, unbelief, purpose, love.
7. I love her so much, I actually am considering adopting a downs. I adore them. They make my heart happy.
8. She makes my heart crush when she does her pouty lip and is in pain.
9. Saraiah Marie Louise Hamlet is her full name. Named after all her grandmas.
10. I am not as strong as you think. I have so many moments of weakness. They come out in anger and impatience with others. And, at the end of the day, I feel like a piece of poop on the ground.
11. I am thinking of possibly working as a nurse in neo-natal. To bless those families.
12. My biggest hearts desire is for others to come to know CHRIST because of this. I just ask God to mold me to be like him, despite my weakness and the ways I have messed up and had unbelief.
13. I don't want to live my life in fear anymore. Of anything. I just want to trust God, that he is good. He gives and he takes away. Blessed be his name.
14. I try to keep my mind busy, so that I don't have to feel.
15. I went on a anti-depressant to get me through. Praise the Lord for medicine.
16. Saraiah is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. Because she is so special.
17. She had a 1 in 800 chance of being downs. A 1-2% chance of being mosaic downs of 3 kinds, 4 in 10,000 of having hypo-plastic left heart, 100% chance of dying after birth. That just tells me that God is soooooo much bigger then we think. He is sustaining her.
18. When I forget he is sustaining her, and I get negative. I BEG him to help me see the good stuff and protect my heart from bitterness
19. I will start counting the ways in which this child has blessed my life and others, because it is the only thing that gets me through sometimes.
20. Saraiah brought reconciliation to my family.
21. I want God to heal her. I know he heard me the first time, but I still ask him everyday, and I know in spite of everything that has happened. God is good.
22. I eat chocolate a lot. It helps me cope.
23. I say to God.....consider my affliction, and please deliver me, plead my cause and redeem me. Revive me. Revive my heart. Help me not to run from you. Help me to show you in my life. Forgive me for the days I don't show you are real.
24. I love you Saraiah. More than life itself. You have taught me so much. I fear to get close to you, because I don't want to suffer more.
25. I love you all, because YOUR strength has helped to sustain me.
2. I actually have gone a whole week without feeling God's presence near me, and that makes me so sad. Trying to trust him in spite of that, because our faith is not based on feelings.
3. I actually draw huge amount of strength from friends and family. So whether I thank them or not, they mean the world to me, and help me see God in my life.
4. I in no way feel obligated to have people over, so don't feel like you have to stay away.
5. My way of handling pain is to be funny, so please don't think I am strong. I am weak with jokes on hand to keep my heart light.
6. Saraiah is by far the biggest lesson I have ever had in my life. Of so many things: faith, impatience, unbelief, purpose, love.
7. I love her so much, I actually am considering adopting a downs. I adore them. They make my heart happy.
8. She makes my heart crush when she does her pouty lip and is in pain.
9. Saraiah Marie Louise Hamlet is her full name. Named after all her grandmas.
10. I am not as strong as you think. I have so many moments of weakness. They come out in anger and impatience with others. And, at the end of the day, I feel like a piece of poop on the ground.
11. I am thinking of possibly working as a nurse in neo-natal. To bless those families.
12. My biggest hearts desire is for others to come to know CHRIST because of this. I just ask God to mold me to be like him, despite my weakness and the ways I have messed up and had unbelief.
13. I don't want to live my life in fear anymore. Of anything. I just want to trust God, that he is good. He gives and he takes away. Blessed be his name.
14. I try to keep my mind busy, so that I don't have to feel.
15. I went on a anti-depressant to get me through. Praise the Lord for medicine.
16. Saraiah is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. Because she is so special.
17. She had a 1 in 800 chance of being downs. A 1-2% chance of being mosaic downs of 3 kinds, 4 in 10,000 of having hypo-plastic left heart, 100% chance of dying after birth. That just tells me that God is soooooo much bigger then we think. He is sustaining her.
18. When I forget he is sustaining her, and I get negative. I BEG him to help me see the good stuff and protect my heart from bitterness
19. I will start counting the ways in which this child has blessed my life and others, because it is the only thing that gets me through sometimes.
20. Saraiah brought reconciliation to my family.
21. I want God to heal her. I know he heard me the first time, but I still ask him everyday, and I know in spite of everything that has happened. God is good.
22. I eat chocolate a lot. It helps me cope.
23. I say to God.....consider my affliction, and please deliver me, plead my cause and redeem me. Revive me. Revive my heart. Help me not to run from you. Help me to show you in my life. Forgive me for the days I don't show you are real.
24. I love you Saraiah. More than life itself. You have taught me so much. I fear to get close to you, because I don't want to suffer more.
25. I love you all, because YOUR strength has helped to sustain me.
I know you don't know me very well, but reading this it's almost exactly the way I feel every day. I have a my only son in the Devos NICU ,it will be 5months on Oct 15th. And we have no expected date of discharge. Reading this is encouraging ,cause it helps know I'm not the only mom who has these feelings.
ReplyDeleteThank you ,
Julie Anderson